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HEAD OF MOOSE


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THIS IS A WARNING.

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THE MOOSEHEAD INCIDENT: I warn everyone before each trip to only bring cheap beer. This incident will live forever in infamy.
It was a beautiful May morning as we loaded the boats to put on the river for our 5-day trip into canyon lands. As we stacked the gear onto the ramp there seemed to be an endless supply of beer. Everyone was in high spirits as we consumed our first beers of the day, I think I had a luke-cool Pig's Eye out of a cooler with no ice in it. One by one the trucks pulled to the ramp and the gear was placed in its respective piles. As Bastian's VW bus pulled to the ramp no one could have predicted the horror that awaited in its bowels. As I said earlier, we were all in good spirits and the error was not caught before we put on the river. Little did we know as we put on the river what putrid-evil lurked in the bottom of the drag bag. Later that day It raised its ugly moose-head. We were all having a great day as usual, relaxed, a-float'n and a-drink'n. Some of the folks had this thing about drinking beer before 11 AM so by the time the Big ugly head of MOOSE appeared we were well on our way and there was no escape from its clutches. I can remember the first time I saw it, you couldn't miss it in its shiny green bottle. I was safely aboard the raft with my 10 foot oars I could easily douse anyone trying to sneak the green bottle beast into MY drag bag. I tried to stop them as I yelled NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. But it was too late the beast had been consumed. The next few seconds seemed to last forever. Bastian lowered the bottle from his lips. The permanent smile that always adorns his face was gone! What took its place was the face of sheer terror. He brought the bottle up to eye level checking to see if it was possible that he mistakenly drank the blue goo from the goover. Alas it was the UGLY HEAD OF MOOSE. Now one would think that the story end here and I wish that I could say that it did. Bastian could not survive on food and water alone he had to have precious barley water and we all knew it. Now, on one of our trips we don't care who's drinking whose cause we all share and on the first day when there is 40 cases or so to go around who really cares. The trip went on, dropping deeper into canyon lands (further away from any liquor store, like there are that many in Utah anyhow). We had a great time eating good and playing HORSESHOES OF DEATH. That is until the last day ... As the final day on the river went on the Beer slowly ran out. How long can we survive??? Not panicking we remembered the Ugly Head Of Moose. We all tried to stomach the beast but it was too much for even the most battle hardened stomach to tame. The last few hours as we paddled to the take out, packed up and hit the road was enough to make the strongest man or woman cry (cry-out I NEED BEER). After we loaded the trucks we made for the beer store in rally car fashion launching small trucks (loaded with rafting gear, kayaks and canoes) several feet into the air off of every cattle guard. We all seemed to survive somehow with most of the blood spilled at the beer store deciding who had to drive the rest of the way to camp. Please remember there is a time and place for every thing, Green bottle beers don't last in the desert. Keep us all safe, keep them at home in the refrigerator. Also if faced with a charging MOOSE HEAD, sacrifice the Canadian.
Survivor story #16 Arthur Castle


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